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- A note on e-reading
A note on unusual customer experiences in bookshops
Jen Campbell's brilliant and hilarious book 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' is a great collection of some of the things that customers say to us lovely booksellers and so it has inspired me to share some of my own and my colleagues' experiences with you. Bookshops really do seem to create this bizarre atmosphere where odd things can happen!
This occurred in July:
Me: "Just to let you know, our loyalty card has been extended until the end of April."
Customer: (Looking very confused) "Next year?"
Me: (whilst serving the fourth customer in two days to get confused by this) "Well, it would be a bit mean if it was this year as it has already gone..."
A customer's child has been whining while she browses books. The mum eventually sighs and says "This is why you should always use a condom!" We didn't know what to say to her. After an awkward moment my colleague came out with "Thanks, I'll remember that!"
A man in the the erotica section says to a bookseller "I don't understand these books. They're like eating chocolates with the wrappers on."
One of the most awkward moments of my time as a bookseller: I'm kneeling on the floor transferring books from under a table to a trolley. An older man sees me and says "Ooo I do like a woman on her knees!" then smiles and winks at me in that creepy way some men have when you know they're thinking something inappropriate.
A customer was looking at our selection of bibles. He had a very confused look on his face and so I went over to help. He asked me if we had a copy of the bible that included the footnotes as they were missing from the ones he had looked at or if you have to buy them separately. After thinking about what he meant for a few seconds I realised that he was confusing the verse numbers for footnotes. He was very embarrassed when he realised his mistake!
One Christmas a colleague went to the history section and discovered a customer had created a swastika out of WW2 books on the floor.
Customer: "Are these books non-fixtures?" (pointing at a selection of books on display on a table)
Me (after thinking for a moment): "Oh, you mean non-fiction? Yes, every book on this floor is non-fiction."
Customer: "So they are non-fixtures?"
Me: "Yes, all of the books are non-fiction on this floor."
Customer: "But are they non-fixtures?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean?"
Customer: "Are they true?"
Me: "Yes. Every book on this floor is non-fiction. The stories and novels are all downstairs."
Customer: "So they are non-fixtures?"
Me: "Err... Yes...?"
Customer: "Okay, thanks!"
Customer: "Do you have anything Easter related that's not chocolate?"
Me: "We have a display of Easter themed books at the front or our gift concession has plenty of Easter gifts."
Customer: "Oh no I don't want a book and I've already tried the gift concession but they didn't have anything. Do you have anything like a cuddly rabbit or a chick perhaps? Anything that's not a book or chocolate."
Me: "I'm sorry but we only sell books aside from the products in our gift concession."
Customer (clearly disappointed): "Oh... (then spots e-reader display) Sacrilege!"
Me: "Is everything okay?"
Customer: "How can you let those evil things in your store? Everyone should have lots of books. I always give people books!"
Told to me by a bookseller from another store:
A couple of teenage girls approach a bookseller.
Customer: "Do you have the new Katie Price book?"
Bookseller: "Why?"
Customer (oblivious to the bookseller's tone of disdain): "We've not read it yet."
Bookseller: "Again, Why?"
A colleague's tale:
An old lady is looking lost in the biography section at the back of the store.
Bookseller: "Are you okay?"
Customer: "Can you tell me where your can openers are?"
Bookseller: "I'm sorry, I'm not sure that we have any books on can openers. Did you want to know about their design or..."
Customer: "No, I don't want a book. I'm looking for your can openers."
Bookseller: "I'm sorry, we don't sell can openers."
Customer: "Yes you do! I saw them in here last week."
Bookseller: "I'm sorry but we're a bookshop. We only sell books and related products."
Customer: "Don't be so ridiculous! You had them here last week. I want to see your manager!"
The customer had mistaken the shop sign for that of a well-known supermarket.
Customer: "Excuse me, do you have a sealed copy of this?" (Holds up a set of angel tarot cards)
Me: "I'll have a look on our computer system for you but unfortunately all of our stock is on the shop floor as we don't have a stock room. If we don't, I can check our other store for you."
Customer: "If I buy it, how much will it be?"
Me: "£12.89."
Customer: "There's no discount?"
Me: "Unfortunately not as they're still in perfect selling condition."
Customer: "But they're not as someone has obviously touched the cards and so my wife will have to do a cleansing ritual with them first or they won't work properly."
Me: "I'm sorry but from a retail point of view they're still in perfect condition."
Customer: "There might be one missing!"
Me: "I can count them if you like but then I'll have to touch them. Our other store is showing that they have one in stock, although I can't guarantee that theirs will be sealed either. We can always order a new set in for you if you like."
Customer: "I'll go there then. But you mustn't sell these or the poor person will find that they don't work!"
I overheard this conversation a customer had with a colleague:
Customer: "Excuse me, could you tell me where your books on Jesus are?"
Bookseller: "Oh yes, they're upstairs in the religion section."
Customer: "Really?"
Bookseller: "Yes, they're just up there" (pointing to the section).
Customer: "Well if you're sure..." (heads upstairs).
Customer: "I'm sorry but I couldn't find them."
Bookseller: "Did you find the religion section?"
Customer: "Yes but there weren't any there..."
Bookseller: "There weren't any books on Jesus?"
Customer: "No, I'm looking for books on cheeses."
Bookseller: (embarrassed) "Oh! I'm so sorry! I thought you said Jesus. They'll just be through the archway in cookery."
Customer: (rather stiffly) "Thank you."
A note on e-reading
I don't get along with technology. I'm also a bookworm. I love the experience of curling up with a physical book and so have resisted the whole e-reading experience as the only reason I've put in the pro column is that an e-reader would save a lot of space in my flat that is taken up by physical books. Unlike physical books you pay VAT on e-books and so they are not necessarily cheaper. Ideally you want an e-ink screen if, like me, you're a heavy reader but then you lose out on the experience of colour. You also don't get the awesome experience of being surrounded by books. Just think about that feeling you get when you're in a library. You can't get that when all of your books only exist in the digital realm. Recently Puffin were kind enough to send me a proof of a book that there's been a lot of buzz about. The catch? It was an e-book. Thankfully I have a smartphone and so I thought I may as well give this e-reading lark a try. Well, I mean I really wanted to to read this book...
So what was it like? Not as bad as I thought it might be. My phone has an LCD display and so I did find that I couldn't do my usual thing and get lost in the novel for hours due to my eyes getting tired or my head aching (I'd definitely have to get an e-ink screen) and this removed some of the joy for me. Page turning was intuitive but as it was a touch screen I found occasionally I'd accidentally turn the page. I'd also accidentally bring up the additional information when I didn't mean to. As it was an LCD screen it didn't do that thing where the screen flashes black when you turn the page. I also liked that I could change the font size, screen brightness and text and background colours (I was using the Kindle app for android). It was very convenient that the app automatically remembered which page I was on. It was also handy that it automatically synced with Amazon's kindle cloud thing as I had to perform a factory reset on my phone when I was halfway through the book and so I lost all apps and data that had been saved on it, experiencing the temporary panic that I would have to spend ages figuring out where I had gotten to in the book (no page numbers!). The kindle app kindly tells you how far you've gotten through the book as a percentage but I found I still wanted page numbers. I lost all sense of how much I had read in a certain time-period. I also found I missed having physical pages as when I'm tight for time or feeling sleepy I like to flick through the pages to see how long I have until the end of the chapter but this wasn't so easy to do without losing my place. The other time I missed having physical pages was when I wanted to flick back though the book to double check a bit of information. Occasionally there were weird breaks in the text, sometimes mid-sentence, although I don't know if this was just because it's an advanced reading copy.
Overall, I still prefer physical books. It just wasn't the same curling up with my phone at night. It removed that experience of taking time out of the usual things I do to do something I love, to truly get lost in someone else's world (again, a disadvantage of my device being my phone as it still made a noise when someone sent me a message or I would constantly disrupt my reading to check on Facebook or something). It was very convenient though. I liked that I could save space in my bag by leaving a book at home or that if I forgot my book I still had something to read. Would I read an e-book again? Yes. However, for now at least, I will still stick with physical books for the majority of my reading and where possible I will choose the physical book over the e-book. I'm not yet at the place where I want to part with my money for an e-book.
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